The Idea Mag - Relaunched - January, 2009 - Front Page

AbsoluteOpinion

An Open Letter to the British Empire

Our bad. Really, our bad. No, not because of the Revolution. That seemed to work out alright to for you. Sure you lost a few colonies, but eventually the superpower they became turned into a great ally. And whenever those pesky Frenchmen complain, you can just blame us. We don't care, we're into Freedom Fries any more.

It's just that who would have known electing someone with less executive experience than Sarah Palin, and less national experience than a first term senator running for re-election would have turned out bad? Did you guys see that coming? And I thought it was the last guy would couldn't keep all these international things together.

First, thanks for the pen holder - we understand that it's not something you could pick up on Amazon, it could be one of the clues in National Treasure III. Speaking of movies, sorry about the DVDs - are they even playable over there? I know, it seems a little out of touch, you giving our President a gift made from one of the British Empire's great ships, and all you get is a pack of American movies.

But at least he's keeping it on his desk. You know, the desk the Queen gave to the United States, made from the timbers of the H.M.S. Resolute in memory of our rescue and return of the ship. Come to think of it, isn't the pen holder made from the timbers of her sister ship? Well, at least he gave you Psycho and Vertigo - they're like sister movies, right?

And "Schindler's List" might be a good movie, but it's not quite a match for your gift of a seven volume Winston Churchill biography. Of course, one day you may get it back, seeing how the Winston Churchill bust - given after September 11th as a symbol of unity - was returned.

This is just to say we're kinda puzzled at it all too - we were promised a new standing in the international community, 'citizens of the world' speech and all. We just didn't expect it would be like this.

Tim Lytle [03/11/09 23:30:00] | 49 Comments | Stream

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